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Spanking - Yes, No, or Maybe?

Started by Susan , author of Kindergarten for Parents and Teachers 10/12/2011 1:55:31 PM

Should children be spanked? I will include the survey results on my blog. The 4th in a series on Discipline will be titled "When and How Do You Punish a Child?" The first two articles are already posted. Feel free to offer suggestions on what has worked for you. Thank you for contributing!

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Reply by Texskiss

author of Texskiss 10/13/2011 11:58:40 AM

My opinion is Absolutely No.  Spanking is humiliating and overpowering.  I don't believe that anything can be learned when a child is feeling like they are powerless & are being humiliated.  Ever.  I have never approved of spanking.  I believe that being loving and firm is a much more powerful way to correct undesirable behavior. Hitting is never OK in my book. 


I know, I have an almost perfectly behaved child myself. But I'd love to hear what works and what doesn't when a child needs a consequence. There are children who are spanked. What do you do for a consequence? 
http://kindergartenbasics.blogspot.com/


Reply by Tiffany

author of Raising Paityn 10/25/2011 11:32:49 PM

Absolutely not ever, no. 

Science has already proven (over and over and over) that the best form of teaching is always positive reinforcement and that negative reinforcement doesn't work and can have detrimental side effects.

My parents spanked me, so this is coming from someone with that background.  I turned out fine, I love them and have a great relationship with them, and they were and are wonderful, amazing parents.  But I still believe spanking is wrong.  It shames and devalues a child, and it does absolutely nothing except instill a level of fear regarding punishment.   I learned nothing when I was spanked.  I just stopped doing it out of fear.  It taught me no life skills, no lessons, no methods of how to handle the feelings.

Real discipline is teaching children how to recognize and embrace right over wrong.  It teaches them how to handle feelings of anger, disappointment, frustration, fear- these are what lead to temper tantrums.  It teaches them how to care about the feelings of others.  It teaches them how to handle temptation.  Basically, discipline should teach, not just shame and inspire fear.

I also believe that it's too close to a line to be able to call.  While some parents are capable of not being abusive with spanking (I do not believe my parents spanking me was abusive), others are not.  And if spanking across the board is allowed, there's no way to distinguish between the two groups, and that leaves children vulnerable.  A few years ago, here in CA, two children were spanked to the point that one died and one ended up in intensive care.  And everyone said how amazing the parents were and how they couldn't believe it could have happened.


Thank you so much for your wonderful comments! I have one more post in my Discipline series and I'll include your insight. The last post gives some tips on helping an adult control their anger. The next post will include ideas on consequences. I'd love to hear more examples of what parents do when a child needs a consequence. So great meeting wonderful parents in cyberspace!  http://tinyurl.com/3u797xn


Reply by Tiffany

author of Raising Paityn 10/26/2011 3:42:41 PM

My daughter is two, so we of course gear towards her particular age.  With an older child, consequences can be later on, but with a two year old, they must be immediate.

My daughter sometimes doesn't want to get dressed and ready in the morning.  Most days, this doesn't matter and she can get ready when she feels like it.  On other days, it does.  If she doesn't want to get dressed, I tell her. "If you don't get dressed, we cannot go to the park." 

Here's the really important key- as a parent, you have to be ready to follow through with the consequence.  If I absolutely need us to go somewhere, like a doctor appt, I can't use this type of consequence.  I'm still personally working through those cases, but I have found that I have more success telling her how it's making me feel when she isn't cooperating.  "I would really like to take you to the park.  It makes me sad that you don't want to get ready and go.  I like to swing you and go down the slides with you. If you don't get ready, I will be very sad that we can't go."  Sometimes, that does work.

As always, I love positive reinforcement and it's typically my first choice.  When she doesn't want to get ready, I will offer something if she does what is being asked of her.  "If you let me get all your clothes on and brush your hair without fighting, then we can stop at Jamba Juice after grocery shopping."  It doesn't have to be a actual object.  It can be something like going to the toy section  of the store to play for a while after finishing shopping. 

For me, consequences must be age appropriate.  While a  7 year old will understand something like "If you don't do x, y or z, then tomorrow..." a toddler does not.  So, it's important to tailor consequences to the developmental age group.


Susan's profile picture
Susan said ...
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments! I have one more post in my Discipline series and I'll include your insight. The last post gives some tips on helping an adult control their anger. The next post will include ideas on consequences. I'd love to hear more examples of what parents do when a child needs a consequence. So great meeting wonderful parents in cyberspace!  http://tinyurl.com/3u797xn


You are so right. Following through on a consequence is difficult for some parents - especially when they have given the consequence in anger. It would be better to discuss ahead of time the consequence than be unreasonable and want to change it. You have great points for parenting! Positive reinforcement works - at home and in the classroom. It's obvious that you have thought all this through. I'm sure you are a wonderful parent. http://tinyurl.com/3u797xn 


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