shannon, I feel for you. my cousin, who was one of my best
friends, got involved in a problem relationship and they broke up
for like the 10th time yesterday. They always get back
together, so i am not counting on anything permanent.
She has managed to ruin every holiday since they have been
together. She tries to ruin his relationship with his family. She
verbally abuses him. She can't hold down a job, spends his money
and any money she can get a hold of on weed. she wouldn't let him
see me when I was in Florida. she won't let him call me. He has
constant financial problems--partially due to having an extra
person living in his apartment, eating his food, and using his
electricity. They have over a dozen pet rets because she likes them
and when they get sick or hurt she throws tantrums until they bring
them to the vet. she cares more about the rats than she does her
kid.
he is more of a parent to her kid than she is. she sits and
paces behind the bleachers at his baseball games, texting ppl while
my cousin coaches the team. if there is one thing i can't stand it
is crappy parents. I think about 90% of the reason he is still
w/her is the kid--and since she does not have legal guardianship
over him, I am pretty sure his grandparents would allow a
relationship between him and the kid if he asked for it.
It was all just too much for me. To me there is a simple
solution to about 75% of his problems--dumping her. I refuse
to listen to someone who creates their own problems and then
refuses to do anything to make the situation any better. He
did something last spring that really hurt me--mostly due to this
stupid girlfriend. It was the final straw and I told him I was done
with our relationship until he could change.
Your brother is not going to change because you want him to.
That is the lesson I learned with my cousin--I could point to
several instances of actual harm she has caused him and none of it
matters. He has to come around and want a peaceful drama free life
himself. So if your brother's actions are hurting you--I would take
a step back and protect yourself. I miss my cousin. I still care a
lot about him--but I feel a lot better not having his problems
dumped on me and constantly worrying about him. He knows I love him
and I left the door open for him to come back in my life--and I
think that is the best thing I could do for both him and me.
