Amanda I am so sorry because I had a neglectful father, the only thing that made it different was that he was on one side of the country and we were on the other so I didnt actually *know him. I know it doesnt make it any easier knowing that there are other bad fathers out there.

I dont know if there is a good answer to give her. I hate that your sweet little angel has to deal with this type of stuff because she should be the most important thing in his world. I do have hugs and understanding for you though.

I think, even when it hurts SO much, that it is important to not say anything negative abut him ever... or about his decisions.

With that said, I do not think it is fair to expect you to LIE to her either.

So, I think the only thing you CAN say is "I am sorry sweetheart, but I do not know why.  I know you miss him, and I will try to call him to see what is going on."

Good luck.  It can't be easy for two people to raise a daughter separately, but when one is not pulling their weight it must be exponentially more awful.

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Amanda said ...
What do you say to a four year old when they ask you when their daddy is going to come see them or why daddy doesn't ever let them come over anymore?  I'm sort of at a loss here.  I can't keep telling her "I don't know" but I obviously can't tell her the truth that her daddy is just piece of shit who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

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See, and that's what's so sad.  He live 10 minutes from us!  I wish that he did live across the country.  At least that way I could come up with better excuses.

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shannon said ...
Amanda I am so sorry because I had a neglectful father, the only thing that made it different was that he was on one side of the country and we were on the other so I didnt actually *know him. I know it doesnt make it any easier knowing that there are other bad fathers out there.

”

That is exactly why it makes it sad. My father had an excuse...your ex? He needs a swift kick of reality and realize that she is only going to be little and forgiving for so long. If he keeps this up for too long there will come a point in time where the damage he has caused wont be forgiven by her. He wont be able to make that up to her.

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Amanda said ...
See, and that's what's so sad.  He live 10 minutes from us!  I wish that he did live across the country.  At least that way I could come up with better excuses.

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I think something like this is one of the best things that you can say in a situation like this. Answer the question as truthfully as you can without saying anything bad about him, which has to be so hard to do. I would just be so furious if my husband ever decided not to be a part of my daughters life much anymore. I hope that he will come to his senses soon and realize that he has an obligation to his daughter, but she is lucky to have a mom who cares about her as much as you do.

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Jody said ...
So, I think the only thing you CAN say is "I am sorry sweetheart, but I do not know why.  I know you miss him, and I will try to call him to see what is going on."

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So you guys think "I don't know" is good enough?  I just feel like she deserves a better explanation.  

I know as she gets older she will figure it out on her own.  I jus wish there was something I could do to help her now.

I would just say, "I don't know. That would be a good question to ask him the next time you see him."

That way he can hear it from HER mouth the next time he comes around. I know it seems a little harsh, but he's the one who needs to answer to his little girl...

Oh Amanda. I'm so sorry for both you, and Belli. :(

As someone who had a neglectful parent though, I can tell you that the best thing you can do is let Belli come to these conclusions on her own. My dad still to this day is very hesitant to say anything bad about my mom. After everything she did to him, and everything she did to me, he still goes out of his way to recognize her for the good she DID do - bringing my brother and I into his life. He still chooses to talk abotu her with love because of that. It honestly makes me respect him so much, and growing up it was nice, because as conflicted as my feelings were about my mom... I never for one second felt like my dad regretted her presence in his life. I never felt like he resented the pieces of her he saw in me, if that makes sense?

If I were you, when Belli asks these questions I would tell her that her dad has been very busy lately, but that you know he loves her very much and hopefully he will have time to come spend with her soon. It may feel like a lie to you, but the reality of the situation is - that's what she needs to hear. With time, she will come to learn herself that her dad isn't worth her time and that you were the one who was always there for her. But right now, she is young and all she needs to know is that her dad loves her. It would be idea if that came from him, but since it can't... it's OK if it comes from you. And I'm sure he DOES love her, in his own way, just as I'm sure my mom DOES love me in hers. At this point, it doesn't really matter that it's not enough. All she needs to know is that her dad has redeeming qualities and that he does love her, even if he can't be bothered to make her a priority right now.