Dear... some one,

I have been with the same guy for almost 5 years. We have had a very rough road, of which I suppose I am to blame. We have broken up and gotten back together, and so on. I came to this blog site today to hope for an answer, from women who know God. I have been struggling recently with a few issues that I don't feel I can address to my significant other. The first of which is that he says I have control issues because I try to correct what he says to or about people. But, the truth is, he is invasive and controling. I have one guy friend that he though I was getting too close to. How does he know that? He checks my face book, even went as far as putting his cell phone number on my profile so all of my notifications go straight to his phone. I changed it twice, and changed my password today. He has deleted that friends number from my phone, without asking. There are other things too. Once, he pretended to be me and talked to a guy that I know through a mutual friend, and gave me soooo much greif for it. I try and ignore these actions, but they keep happening, and I don't know if I am just affraid to let it get out of hand, or if this is really something I should be upset about. I don't lead these men on, but my bf says I do, and that it is only a matter of time before I hurt him again. I hardly even talk to guys at all any more, and that's okay because I know there is no way to be a plutonic friend with any one of the opposite gender, but I feel like forcing me to ignore all my guy friends is very controling and manipulative. He has deleted three people from my profile, erased massages, and checks everything that I do. I don't know if he will ever learn to trust me. He says I cheated on him. I had friendships with other guys, but I never followed through with them romantically until I was broke up with him first. I know I should have let God take my hand when I left him the other three times, but now, I'm not sure what God wants at all. Some times I am so sure that what we have is a fairy tale, and that we can work through anything. Other times I feel like I don't know him at all, can't trust him, can't predict what he will do/say or how he will react (like the other day he got mad, couldn't find his clothes for an interview... proceeded to hit himself in the head repeatedly... and this was not the first time, but it has been a while since). I keep asking people I know if this is right, and I keep trying to find reasons to leave him, but I have been through heart-ache before. I feel like I fon't really have a good reason to leave either, since he has been doing really good lately, and working hard. We signed a marriage licence the other day because I told him until we did, we had to stop having pre-marital sex. But in the back of my mind, I know that I can still get out of this before its too technical. We are scheduled to sighn the marriage certificate on the 21st of this month. I keep hoping that by some miracle he will change and be the man I keep seeing in him on the good days. But, I just don't know if I can leave either... please help.