I agree that its great to have a plan, but you have to be flexible.  Sometimes the plan works out and sometimes it doesn't.  I have 7 children and no epidurals. People think I'm crazy or a really strong person, but honestly I always struggled with all kinds of fear.  I did a lot of reading and decided it was best for me, the baby and my labor to not interfere.  With 7 different births, I could tell you story after story of how obstacles were overcome using natural remedies and how nice it was to labor in my home, at my pace and how I wanted.  Each birth was unique and there were moments of concern, but my midwives are trustworthy, capable women that I trust completely.  My experiences were wonderful with the exception of one birth.  And that one wasn't too bad, just kind of weird (with a different mid-wife).  By the way, and I hope this statement doesn't offend anyone because it was just my personal observation, but the reason I decided to pursue homebirth was because I listened to birth stories and I found a common thread...most hospital births sounded like horror stories and all the home birth stories sounded like heaven on earth.  The hospital stories didn't mean to sound  like horror stories, they usually said they had a great experience and proceeded to tell me how their labor was "managed" by the hospital staff.  But the homebirth stories sounded truly wonderful.  

I have a friend who used my mid-wife and allowed me to come to her birth.  I noticed that her labor was very different from mine and she was never in pain like I had been.  My mid-wife was wonderful through it all and eventually had to tell the couple that they weren't going to have a homebirth.  The baby just wasn't going to come naturally and they tried everything!  My friend was taken to a hospital and they gave her an epidural, but that baby just couldn't get out naturally, so she had to have a C section.  It was a disappointment for my friend, but everyone agreed that a healthy baby and mommy was always the most important goal.

A bit of info about birth in Germany. Each women is assigned a mid wife, you get to choose them and they work with you six week, pre birth, birthing process, and after bringing baby home. 

I have never heard of in home births here, I have heard of natural birthing centers though as an alternative to a hospital. 

We are currently in the process of trying to conceive, but pregnancy in itself is a very emotional concept. I go from being 100% for it, too being scared to death, fearing change, and then when finding out I am not yet pregnant feeling disappointment. 

I have looked into finding books on pregnancy and preparing for pregnancy, but I have had no luck. The last book I bought was all about asking if you would be a good parent and trying to help people accept that they were just not meant for parenthood, not at all what I was looking for. Do you guys have any recommended books that helped you?

I am past the point of deciding if children are right for me, we made that decision, I am looking more for emotional and physical preparation, as well as just general knowledge about the process. 

Also, (just a little side note) I ordered a book about home birth right after we found out I was pregnant. I was interested in home birth but my husband didn't like the idea at all.  I dismissed the thought of having one.  Then the book came in and I bought it, brought it home and just left it lying around because I was too discouraged to read it.  My husband picked it up and after reading it he was convinced we should try to have a home birth! :)

I completely understand where you're coming from where you feel 100% ready and then scared to death, and then disappointed when you find out you aren't.  We tried to conceive for a total of a year and 8 months and I experienced those exact emotions.   

Its wonderful that you want children.  I don't know of any books just off the top of my head, but you've come to the right place.  I think Monica is a good resource for finding the information you're looking for.