Cried and cried and cried

My best friend passed away last fall.  Her husband had an especially hard time during Christmas and we chatted a lot.  Talked about her and what she'd be doing, what she'd want for their boys.  

My brother passed away a month before my 4th child was born, and his birthday would have been a few weeks later.  I took our new baby and went to stay with my mom for that week because I knew it would be especially hard for her.

I think everyone handles grief in their own way, and I don't think there is a right/wrong way to do it.  Its sad, but I do like to try and celebrate the life that they did have while they were here and try to remember what they would want for those they left behind.  Otherwise I just get lost in the sadness.

I think everyone faces it in their own way.  I missed the presence of my father on those occasions and I just "experienced" the feelings.  The times that have been harder for me were not those major holidays, but all the little moments that I would have liked to share with him.

I cried then, and I still cry after 43 years.  My mom died in 1968 and I still cry on her birthday, Mother's Day Christmas, when I hear her favorite songs. When I'm having to "deal" with a problem that would need a mother's touch (even though I'm 58 I still have those).  It gets easier to cope with a loss, but the void in my heart can never be replaced no matter how hard I try or what I busy myself with, the thought of her and the picture of her in my mind is still there after 43 years. Granted, the FIRST FEW years was the hardest, I didn't cry, I SOBBED, but sobbing has given way to gentle tears, unless I'm in a situation where I need her advice then I get angry that she isn't with me, so I start sobbing again. 

The death of my best friend Neita is still "fresh"  after being "joined at the hip" for 12 years, she passed away December 29.  It has been devastating to me.  So I'm still working on that one. 

I hope if you are going through this right now that God will give you peace.  Crying and remembering is good, but we must not dwell in our sorrows or become depressed.  That is a "hole" which is hard to crawl out of alone.  Just keep remembering that God is with you and can help you through it.  He won't take the pain away (at least He hasn't for me) during those times of "remembrance", but I think that is because our loved ones deserve a spot in our hearts and minds forever.  God Bless,

PJ

When I lost my mom, I learned that everyone is going to deal differently.  I dealt with it by trying to be surrounding by loved ones on the hard days.  Some of my siblings chose to be alone and are only now, almost 3 years later, starting to do more family things.  It was hard to understand when I needed them but looking back I realize that we all needed to heal and go through this in our own way.

It's hard to deal with loss and I am very sorry for yours.  I hope you find the strength to make it through those days.  Along with the sadness, try to remember the happier times.

Thank you all for your replies.  Tomorrow will be hard.  It would have been Ron's 26th b'day.  So young, so sad.  We miss him so much.  

I don't think there is any easy way to get through it. Sending prayers for your comfort.

I tried to leave a comment but it said you had to be a team member. So here is my comment:

"I am sorry for the loss of your nephew. He must have been a very special young man. Lifting you in prayer for your comfort. Nothing I can say will take the pain away. I know time helps. We lost my beautiful stepdaughter in 2003, time has helped, but we keep her in our hearts and thoughts. "

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Doreen said ...
Happy Birthday in Heaven. How did you cope with the firsts?  The first birthday, holiday, anniversary... after someone died?  

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Thank you.  I'm so sorry for the loss of your stepdaughter.  Was it illness or an accident?  

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katlupe said ...
"I am sorry for the loss of your nephew. He must have been a very special young man. Lifting you in prayer for your comfort. Nothing I can say will take the pain away. I know time helps. We lost my beautiful stepdaughter in 2003, time has helped, but we keep her in our hearts and thoughts. "

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Thank you, Doreen.

She took her own life. A very hard time for my husband as he was very close to her even though he was divorced from her mother. She followed us wherever we lived.

I answered the telephone a few nights before, and whoever was on the other end didn't say anything. I hung up. I will always believe it was her reaching out to her Dad. If he had answered, things may have turned out different. If I had known it was her, I would have given the phone to him.